Think Back
by Quixotic Cervantes
Summary: Sesshomaru reflects on the past as he stands at a turning point in his life.


**Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, hell I barely wanna say I own this.**

asdf- present

**asdf- past **

_asdf-thoughts_

* * *

Sesshomaru stared down at the newborn in his arms. The small ears, so like his half-brother's, the only sign of his son's split heritage. The boy's steady breathing lightly blew the silver hair from his face. He snuggled into his father's chest, causing all prejudice and doubt to dissolve, replaced by the love only a father can possess. His gaze drifted from his son's face to his wife.

He slowly sat on the beds edge, shifting the sleeping child to reach out to the woman, he brushed aside her dark hair to better see her face. So man times he had questioned if he'd chosen the right path. '_Come to think of it,_' he glanced at their child, _'it wasn't until now that I'm absolutely sure.'_ As if reading his thoughts the boy cuddled closer.

Standing, he walked to the room adjoined to his and set the babe in the cradle he had commissioned. He allowed the smallest of smiles to form as he looked down at him. He left, returning to his mate's side. He lay next to her, pulling her close, arm secure around her waist. He nuzzled the top of her hair, breathing her scent deeply. He allowed his thoughts to drift back to when a war was waged against the half-demon Naraku over a jewel. A time when the woman next to him was not his, but instead a novice priestess following his brother. He remembered the pain of discovering what he felt for her. It began one day as she waited at the well for InuYasha.

**"Man, why isn't he here yet?" Kagome sat irritably on the edge of the old well. She drummed her fingers impatiently while awaiting her 'protector.' Sighing, she looked up. **

**"That's it, if he's not here in five minutes my backpack is staying 'cause I'm not waiting anymore." She heard a sound behind her, her head shot in the noises direction. She paled at the sight. **

**"Ses-Sesshomaru… what are you-" She stopped as his whip flew towards her. She gasped and closed her eyes tightly, waiting for the blow that never came. She heard the whip strike something and her eyes snapped open. Daring a look behind her she screamed. A large bear demon stood, poised for attack. Kagome watched as it crumbled into nothingness. She looked back at Sesshomaru to see him drawing nearer. The adrenaline pumped faster through her as he stopped walking and looked over her. '_Strange that she is here alone.'_ Sesshomaru scanned the area for any approaching demons, and, sensing none, relaxed a bit.  
**

**"What do you want Sesshomaru? InuYasha isn't here." Her breathing had finally slowed, she knew he wasn't here to harm her, at least, not at the moment.**

**"Perhaps you should take better care woman, leaving yourself so unguarded can prove disastrous. As for InuYasha, I have no quarrel with him today." His tone remained even, but his eyes betrayed the arrogance he practically embodied. He watched silently as she processed everything. **

**'_How slow these humans are'_**

Sesshomaru was snapped out of this reverie when Kagome stirred. He moved a few stray hairs from her face as she moved closer to him. He allowed himself to take in the sight of her. _'To think a few hours ago she was in such pain.'_ During the birthing he was kept from the room, he'd drawn blood from his palms while clenching his fist in anger. _'I couldn't help her when she needed me…not like back then'_

**"Thank you for saving me, I owe you one." Kagome shifted uneasily to one foot trying to hide her obvious discomfort at being alone with the dangerous demon lord.**

**"I have no need of your thanks or favors woman." His cold glare strayed from the nearby trees to Kagome. He watched with hidden amusement as she looked away, mumbling something like 'thanks' and he could swear he heard the words 'arrogant jackass.' He meant to turn and leave but he suddenly found himself frozen. Kagome had looked up to question him once again, but instead her words died as their eyes met. _'Why can't I look away? What about her eyes would be able to stop me?'_**

**"Why are you here?" Sesshomaru was finally able to divert his eyes, the trees served as an appealing distraction. "If you don't have any intentions of fighting InuYasha, why come anywhere near his forest?" His eyes never leaving the trees, he answered her.**

**"I was patrolling my lands, and while I would rather stay away from the pathetic half-breed, his forest is on the boarder"  
**

**"And why save me? I should think you would like to see one less human walk…ing…" His eyes once again turned to her, silencing her as they narrowed. **

**"Do not question me, Human. My actions do not concern you." '_I should have let that demon kill her, she's right. I wouldn't mind fewer humans, no matter how attractive some may be.'_ So irate at her gall to question his actions, he failed to notice his own thoughts towards the girl. A familiar scent caught Sesshomaru's attention. '_InuYasha.'_ Actually grateful for the boys presence, Sesshomaru quickly removed himself from the clearing, leaving Kagome still very confused.  
**

**Once far enough away, he began, once again, to patrol his lands. He quickly lost interest in the mundane activity, and began to address certain issues in his life. _'I should have asked the priestess where that vermin Naraku is. It is time his treachery be put to an end. Perhaps I should speak with her and discover what she knows.'_ His golden eyes widened when he realized he was making excuses to go see the girl. _'What is wrong with me? I do not need the help of some human, let alone InuYasha's wench. I should not have saved her. It was probably her destiny to die if she was so easily distracted'  
_**

Sesshomaru chuckled as he thought about it. _'Had I only known then what her destiny truly was…'_ A cry from the next room ended his thinking. He felt Kagome shift to answer the call, but his arm halted her from leaving the bed. He whispered softly into her ear "Rest, I'll take care of him." Seeing her nod, he nuzzled her neck lightly before getting up.

Gently, he picked up the crying child. After quickly checking him over, he discovered the boy was simply cold. He rocked the child, allowing him to draw warmth from his body. Sesshomaru looked intently at the baby in his arms. He had promised Kagome to refrain from too many demon habits regarding their child. He watched as his son's face scrunched up before his eyes opened halfway. Looking into the cloudy blue eyes, he couldn't wait to see if they would be gold like his or the ocean blue of Kagome's. A look of curiosity appeared on the child's face. Sesshomaru smiled softly at him, watching as his eyes closed and he fell back into a deep sleep. _'His eyes look like mine.'_

Placing him down in his crib, Sesshomaru pulled a blanket over the boy. Staring down at his son, he brushed his cheek, careful not to scratch the soft skin with his deadly claws. _'His hair and eyes appear to be like mine, but there's no telling how much of his mother will be there.'_ Checking the child over once more, he headed back to his own chamber. He entered his room and was met with his mate's scent. Taking in the smell he was now so accustomed to, he walked away to the balcony. Looking up at the stars he once again thought back to the beginning.

**It had been nearly a month since their encounter at the well. A couple days before, Sesshomaru had caught his brother's scent near him. Since he was not able to entirely shake the girl from his thoughts, he decided to follow.  
_'What kind of spell is this? Thoughts of her only seem to increase as time goes by, despite her absence.'_ His musings were halted as the unusual scent invaded his senses. Silently, he approached the source, hiding his own scent and aura from detection. A hot spring came into view. He kept to the shadows as he lurked around. Intent on leaving, he began to turn, only to be stopped by an unexpected sight.**

**Kagome stood, wrapped in a towel, wading into the water. No amount of mental badgering allowed him to move, too enticed by the sight presented and the scent permeating from her. Sesshomaru felt a heat rise in his body as his blood rushed through him. He was barely able to stop when he discovered he had moved closer. Quickly, he turned and ran, stopping once he could no longer smell her alluring scent. _'What's happening? Why did I react to the sight of her? She's human. She should not affect me so. Yet…I allow it. I have killed less troublesome humans in the past, what makes her different?' _**

**Confusion was not something Sesshomaru liked, nor did he handle it well. And all Kagome was serving to do was to confuse him.**

_'She still manages to confuse me like no other.'_ He glanced at the stars, taking in their dazzling beauty. He took a deep breath of the moist, dew filled air. Morning was approaching. _'Perhaps I should wake the child and introduce him to the sunrise.'_ He shook the idea from his head, knowing Kagome would not wish it. Glancing back at her sleeping form, he retreated to the garden. The smells mesmerized him, drawing him, once again, into his memories as he walked among them.

**_'Is it possible that I think of her because she is destined to be mine? That can't be, she is an insignificant woman, human at that…but then, why doesn't that idea repulse me?'_ The demon lord sat in a tree, hiding his presence from his brother's group. He had been following them for some time, yet he still couldn't shake the young priestess from his thoughts. He gazed down at her, she had fallen asleep before the others, who were just now drifting onto the shore of dreams. Save InuYasha, he had run off to answer the call of the dead woman. He watched her sleep, coming to a conclusion. _'Yes, she is mine. Or at least, she will be soon.'_ He smirked, now satisfied with the answer. All this time he had thought about her would not be wasted. During his pondering, he failed to see Kagome rise from her sleep. She had set off wandering, trying to find the nearby river. In her relaxation, she missed the demonic aura following her.  
**

**Kagome allowed her mind to present the fears she tried to ignore in daylight. _'I wonder if this will all be over soon. Will we all be safe once Naraku is gone and the jewel completed or will life just go on? Will the well close? Will I be able to go home and come back still?'_ Reaching the river, Kagome knelt and splashed the cool water on her face. _'Will I see everyone again…will I even remember any of them? Will…will they remember me?'_ Her friends' faces flashed across her mind, stopping on a pair of golden eyes. She could feel her heart speed up, '_Why did he have to go and save me? Now I can't get him out of my head.' _Kagome's head shot up from her gaze on the water's surface, she could feel a strong aura behind her.  
**

**Sesshomaru walked leisurely towards Kagome, thinking about how he could possibly tell the girl what he had decided. He was about to stop and wait for her return when he heard an ear piercing scream. He raced towards the source, recognizing it as the very girl he was watching over. He came to the river to see a relatively small cat demon stalking after the terrified priestess, who was slowly backing away. His blood began to race as red crept into his eyes. The demon prepared to pounce and Sesshomaru darted forward. In the blink of an eye he was between Kagome and the cat, Tokijin at the ready. The other did not appreciate his interference, attempting to attack despite the now red eyes glaring and the low growl being emitted from the demon lord. The cat demon soon met a gruesome end. **

**Sesshomaru breathed heavily trying to calm down to his normal self. He felt a small hand on his arm, still extended, holding Tokijin, and his head whipped to see what dared to touch him. His eyes met cool, calming blue as he was assaulted by a familiar, sweet scent. Calmed by her proximity, he saw both fear and gratitude shining at him, dulled by another emotion shimmering beneath the surface.  
**

**Slowly her hand fell from his arm as he lowered the weapon, his eyes returned fully to their magnificent gold. Her incisive stare broke down whatever defense he seemed to have, His mind demanded he leave before she spoke. His body, however, wished him to stay. He knew he was at her mercy should she even utter a word to him. He grimaced at the idea, this human woman unknowingly had such power over him.  
**

**"Thank you," the whisper broke his thoughts. He looked her up and down, opting to ignore the thanks offered. **

**"Why are you out, alone, at such an hour?" Though his face betrayed no emotions or thought, his eyes had a spark of worry gleaming within. He watched as confusion took hold of his companion. _'What gives her such confusion? Have I don't something odd?'_ He could see resolve enter her features.  
**

**"I couldn't sleep. I thought maybe a walk would help clear my head." Kagome spoke softly, unsure if she should, in fact, speak at all. Her eyes tried to avoid capture, but in the end, were only caught all the more. Staring into the gold, she began to speak more. Telling about the days travels, of InuYasha's growing impatience, and even a bit about her family. Sesshomaru woud respond when he felt it necessary or if intrigued. **

**Dawn was approaching quickly, and while he wanted nothing more than to take the girl with him, Sesshomaru knew she had to return.  
**

**"It is nearly daybreak, you must go back to your camp." Kagome, who had been in the middle of a rant about ramen prices, went silent. Sighing, she nodded. She turned away, glancing back once more she whispered another thanks, gaining only a nod in response. As he watched her walk away he felt a tug at his heart. _'I'll always protect you, my Kagome'  
_**

**He continued to follow them, their meetings became longer and more frequent. While he was still the quieter of the two, Sesshomaru began to open up, sharing tales of his travels. In one such meeting he spoke of Rin.  
**

**"So she just follows you around?" Sesshomaru was drawn back to her as the awe was evident in her voice. He nodded, entranced by the way she spoke. He didn't know exactly what she was saying, he was too absorbed by the sight of her lips. Dismay had set in when he realized this was for keeps, no one else would do, and he had tried. He had to face reality, his brother once again possessed what he desired. For now.  
**

**He didn't know when he had begun to move closer, or when he decided that she'd done enough talking. He knew the moment his fingers brushed her skin, his thumb silencing her words. He gently traced her bottom lip, breaking to gently hold her chin. He stared into her wide blue eyes before closing the distance between them.  
**

**He heard her heart beat, the speed matching his own. He slowly pulled away, cupping her face while staring into her eyes. Surprise and confusion veiled her gaze. He dropped his hands from her, accepting that she clearly didn't return his sentiments. He turned and took a step, resigning to his destiny. A hand stopped him. He glanced down at his wrist, a delicate hand kindled emotions he didn't even dream himself capable of. Slowly, he turned, her grip tightened as if afraid he would vanish should she let go. Hope rose when he saw her eyes, still confused but completely clear, shining with a guarded confession of her feelings.  
**

**"Sesshomaru" He broke. Pulling her flush against him, claiming her mouth in a heated kiss. His own fire was met with hers, searing like white flames. She opened herself to him. He explored her mouth, reveling in the taste he had long dreamed of. Breaking apart to breath, Sesshomaru looked down at her. Her eyes were closed but slid open, revealing the passion that glazed them. Capturing her again he unconsciously let her to the forest floor. He could feel his blood rushing, his beast calling stronger as her heart beat sped up. **

**_'No, I can't, she will regret it if this happens.'_ Sesshomaru fought back his beast, breaking the kiss that had nearly undone both himself and Kagome. He could feel her confusion, and even the hurt she was struggling with. He stood up, knowing that should he stay longer he would try to take away the hurt she felt, assure her that he wanted her in every possible way.  
**

**He turned, hoping one day he could explain to her. Take her, claim her, protect her. He knew this was the only way it could be. But the pain he felt with every step tore at his heart and soul. Coming upon a clearing far enough away, he stopped and drew his sword. The sun was rising as he collapsed, surrounded by scores of fallen trees, he was physically and emotionally drained. '_How much longer can I take this?' _**

**He spent months waiting. Waiting for the final battle to come so it could end. He noticed himself becoming closer to Rin, treating her as a daughter rather than a ward. He kept a watch over Kagome, hoping something, anything, would make her snap out of her stupor. The never ending melancholy that had settled over himself seemed reflected in her actions. **

**News reached him of Naraku, the final battle had come, it was time for him to go. It was a long, drawn out battle. He helped attack the onslaught of demons, protecting the one he cared for more than any other. He had seen her shock at his arrival, a spark in the eyes that had been so dull lately. He hurt again, only wanting to take her back in his arms and explain. However, now was not the time, or the place. Right then, he just had to get her out of here. After finally defeating the oncoming demons, they all attacked Naraku, Kagome's arrow at the center. With a bright flash of light, their battle was over. **

**They stood on the battlefield, beat but their energy slightly refreshed at victory. Kagome cheered first, rushing over to hug all of her friends, totally oblivious to the shock of her companions as she practically tackled Sesshomaru once finished with them. She pulled away, a small smile on her face as she shied away from his gaze, going to grab the small jewel that had caused so much pain. He felt his heart pounding in his throat, his beast crying for her. He watched her run to his brother, a jealous grip trapped his heart.  
**

**"InuYasha…you can have your wish now." The jewel rested in her palm, gold and blue eyes met, the half demon smiled and shook his head. **

**"No, it's not important, you keep it Maybe one day there will be something better to wish for." No one saw his eyes flicker towards Sesshomaru for a moment. He knew what had happened, Kagome had been talking in her seep, he knew what she really wanted, he'd even told her to go for it. She 'sat' him for the embarrassment. **

**"Yash…" she nodded as she smiled, tears welling up in her eyes.  
**

**Those who survived the battle returned to Kaede's village. A celebration ensued. It was nearly midnight, Sesshomaru was tired of waiting, he hadn't spoken to Kagome yet.  
**

**He watched her speaking with the slayer. He felt his heart race as she turned. She smiled at him, he could feel an odd sadness, as if she was unsure of something. He walked towards her.  
**

**"Excuse me." Kagome ended her conversation, giving full attention to Sesshomaru. He grabbed her hand and walked outside. He walked to the border of the village, finally releasing her hand, he turned to her. She was staring at him, eyes wide and shining with questioning hope. Taking a deep breath, he began.  
**

**"Kagome-" he was cut off by her lips, she was standing on the tops of her feet, her hands slowly trailing up as his body in order to steady herself. She attempted to deepen the kiss, when he realized she was trying to bring him closer, he happily complied. He couldn't describe the intensity of his emotions he tried to show. His arms encased her small body, drawing her as close to his body as possible. He slowly broke the kiss, the longing still lingered in the small space between them.**

**"Kagome?" he breathed her name, wishing only to close the distance again, but couldn't, not until he determined what was between them. **

**"Hm?" she was out of it, mind still reeling from their kiss. She shivered at the idea, wishing he hadn't made them stop.**

**"Be my mate." despite the commanding way he said it, the apprehension in his voice spoke volumes of the question. He nearly cringed when he heard her gasp. He felt her pull away, her eyes wide and questioning. He met her gaze, determined to settle this.**

**"Why?" The pleading in her voice gave him an idea of what he had to say. The cards were on the table, and his only option was to go all in.  
**

**"Because you cast a spell on me, because every time I speak to you I know you understand me. And because every time I see you I want to know that you're mine, that you'll be with me, forever." He gently pulled away, his eyes met hers as he waited. He didn't know he'd nearly stopped breathing.  
**

**He was stunned when she threw herself towards him. Arms wrapping around his neck, his arms supported her weight. She abandoned the ground, wrapping her legs around him, he was waiting nervously.  
**

**"Sesshomaru…" her quiet voice commanded his attention even more. He watched her eyes shine as she slowly nodded, he didn't let her finish. He quickly called his cloud; the puffy, red transport formed beneath them. Leading towards his home, he thought over the last several months. He ended their lip-lock, hugging her tighter to shield her from the cold night air.  
**

**They landed in his garden, he was about to lead her in, but her hand on his arm stopped him. Turning around his breath left him. He had thought before of her beauty, but standing in his garden, bathed in moonlight, was too much.  
**

Glancing to that spot near the pond, he felt the same longing. It had been there, in his garden, he had taken her. Excitement and pleasure had been the primary feelings, overshadowed only by their need for the others love.

He hadn't thought it could be like that, their bodies melded together. He had bitten her, the feel of breaking her skin, blood seeping into his mouth through the wound. When doing so he had felt their souls shift, he hadn't told her she would share the lifespan he held. Eternity would be bearable, now that they would be together.

He heard a light whimper, distress he could feel through their bond. Speeding back up to his balcony, he glanced in. There lay Kagome, their son curled up in her arms. Walking over, he gently stroked her cheek before picking the boy up. As he started through the door, he heard a soft voice.

"Sess…" He gave up taking the boy back, carefully sitting on the beds edge. Her hand grabbed his wrist, pleading for his attention. "Never leave me?" He was shocked, his eyes gazed softly at her. He shook his head. Leaning down he hovered above her lips.

"Never," he pressed his lips to herd. He lied down carefully, placing the newborn between them. He watched his mate move closer. Looking between his wife and child a smile formed. '_No, I'll never leave you. I don't think I ever could.'_ Thinking that. He allowed his eyes to close as he drew his family closer. Embracing them, he allowed sleep to take him.

* * *

AN: I apologize for this, I was just giving something new a shot. 


End file.
